Welcome to Part 3 of a 5-part series of articles on how to manifest your desires! Five parts sounds like a lot, right? You might be thinking “I thought the law of attraction was supposed to be this easy breezy thing where where you ask and the universe just gives it to you!” Yeah, that's what I thought too after reading some irritating books like The Secret. Not so much.
Manifesting or changing your life in meaningful ways is a process that requires nurturing and effort... and more than one step. So let's get to Step 3! For those of you who missed them, here are Part 1 and Part 2.
Letting Go and Honoring Loss
So you've identified the thing you really, really want, and why you want it. You can feel how great it's going to be to have it. You've figured out why you haven't gotten it yet (your benefits to staying stuck) and you're ready to move past all of that. So what happens next?
Well, some loss of what you used to know, for one. Letting go of excuses, for two. Putting your heart and soul into it and breathing through the fear and self-doubt that will likely come up. Wah-wah.
Any time you make a change, there will be a loss of some kind- even if it's just your comfort zone. Part 3 of manifesting is where a lot of people backslide, because even if they're really excited about what they want, they realize some part of themselves or their old life is going to end in order to get it.
Familiarity is so addictive that we'll often sacrifice positive changes in order to stay the same. For example, if I want to build muscle tone I can't keep a lifestyle of not exercising. I have to leave the house and get it done. I will now have to cope with the loss of the extra time I had to myself at home (or the time I had to work, or whatever I was doing that wasn't exercise). That's a loss! That sucks! And thus, the backsliding begins. This is also known as week 3 of almost everyone's New Year's resolution. The point where continuing to do the new thing starts to feel like it's not worth it. And you know what? It isn't worth it, unless you have identified a 'why' that is so awesome, so sexy, so fulfilling, that to NOT do it feels bonkers.
Here's how to make sure you don't backslide:
1) Have a 'why' that's so exciting to you that almost any loss that results is going to be worth it.
2) Recognize and honor the loss of the life/person/job/etc you once knew as part of your growth.
Example goal: I want to make more money in 2019
Why? Because I want to buy a house that feels like a home, just for me, where I'm comfortable and safe and can have pets and cook great meals and have dinner parties. I want to decorate it exactly in my taste, and be able to have quiet reading time, and walk my dog in my beautiful neighborhood.
Oooooh. That DOES sound nice! But how else will your life change as a result of making more money? What will you have to give up, add, or destroy in the service or your goal?
6 years ago I needed to make more money for this exact reason- to buy a house. I left a job that I was very comfortable at, that wasn't particularly stressful, but I didn't make a lot of money. I took on a role that paid more, but where I was in charge of seemingly endless people. It was a HUGE change for me, and a loss that I had to mourn. I wondered all the time if I made the right decision. It was the very satisfying goal of having a home that kept me going when I felt like everything was insane.
The brilliant thing about getting something you've been working towards is that once you get there, you level up your goal setting. Next after getting the house I wanted to keep it, but work for myself-- a much bigger goal to pull off than finding a new job. But also a very compelling one that pulled me forward when I couldn't push myself anymore.
What is compelling you to move forward despite the loss that may result from the change? How will you honor and recognize the loss as part of your personal growth? I now look back at my old jobs fondly as meaningful stepping stones on the path to helping others through my business.
Not everything you manifest will come with such a degree of difficulty. Some things will be a quick adjustment, but there will still be an adjustment- even if it's to a more lavish lifestyle and the new people who will enter your life as a result. Allow yourself to change your view of you as you change your life, holding within you all the unique iterations of self that got you where you are today.
In Part 4 we'll discuss attracting what's next deliberately instead of defaulting to hoping and wishing.
In general I don’t trust people who have never been lost. I mean, Who Am I, What Am I Doing Here lost. If you never had to find yourself, never wrestled with who you really are or questioned your lot in life you missed some great opportunities. By all means, stride forth with the certainty that yes, you are a doctor, and do your medical schooling and get out there and do your passion. But I feel a little sad for you that you never were forced to get to know yourself on the level that is only possible when you are truly questioning what you are doing here on this planet.
As a Life Purpose and Career Coach I get to work with people who are feeling stuck, lost, or as though they are just going through the motions. Some of them feel bad about where they’re at, like they are subjecting me to this horrible fate they are stuck with and they shouldn’t have hired me in the first place because their misery will just bring me down. I find this hilarious. For one, the client isn’t giving themselves much credit for how much work they’ve already done just by committing to hiring a coach. For two, the farther down the rabbit hole you are (as one client likes to say), the more satisfying it will be for me to help guide you out of there.
Working with someone who feels lost is also a great privilege, because it means I often get to be there when the clouds start to part and the sun starts shining. While it may not be fun for the client at first, as the coach I can see what lies ahead. It’s incredibly exciting. One of the best gifts you can give me as a coach is a look of hope dawning across your face. It’s like you just found where you are on the map and it all makes sense again. Some people want to just hunker down right there and call it a day. “I know where I am! I can just stay here and I’ll be safe!” Personally I wouldn’t want to live at the border of the US and Mexico just because I know where it is. I need a reason to stay there. And it better be good!
But it’s tempting to live in that space of potential, that Maybe I Could Do _______! When you live there you never get saddled with the fear of failure that comes with trying. This may sound weird coming from a coach, but I don’t want you to live your potential. I want you to live your real life dreams. As messy as they may be.
You’ll have to ask yourself hard questions, which you were probably hoping were left behind once you realized what you really wanted to do. Questions like “Am I really any good at ________ (law, petting zoo ownership, whatever). And maybe even “What was I thinking?!” But of course, the success is in the trying. The success is in the “failing” at whatever you thought you’d like to do, but you realize something big about yourself in the process. The success is the pride that comes with figuring it out. And the success is learning to have fun and relax, even when you know you’re going to have to try something else. That’s the Life Purpose Process, if you ask me.
So get lost. Go ahead. Screw up a little. And when you are really ready to discover your purpose, your joy and vocation, give me a call. Bring your misery, your confusion, your lost dreams. Bring your fear of failure and fear of success. We can unpack that too. I look forward to climbing up the rabbit hole with you.
"A life purpose is not a point in time and space; it is not a goal or something to do. Feeling whole and complete would not come from any action, IT IS THE PATH ITSELF AND ANY STEP TAKEN IN IT. The deepest part of it lays in the magic of being present, resting and fully BEING in ALL there is. Free to be your true nature."- Homaya Amar from www.homayaamar.com
Life Purpose and Career Coach
Career Clarity Now