The Instructive Power of Jealousy: How I Murdered My Self-Doubt

Jealousy isn't usually thought of as a positive emotion to experience. But I know better. Jealousy is here for a reason- to teach us what we really value.

I got an email recently from a colleague who is teaching workshops all over the world, swimming with dolphins, and writing a book while taking breaks to make love (yes, that was in the email). I know, right? UGH. I was this close to hitting Unsubscribe. And then I went-- wait. I'm just jealous! I'm jealous because I want her life! And if I know what I want, I can take steps to get there. If I know what I want, I have the power. There's no one to blame but myself if I don't go after what I want. Of course, that's when the doubts start creeping in...
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I knew for years before I became an entrepreneur that I wanted to work all over the world doing transformative work with international personal growth junkies like myself. That's not news. But the how eluded me for some time. Then I started taking courses in online marketing, sales, web development, and other things that I had no knowledge of before. And I could finally see the how. But something kept me glued to my familiar life.

Why wasn't I swimming with dolphins in Hawaii? Why wasn't I writing a book on top of a mountain with the occasional sexy break? I'm not a lazy person, so what gives? Simple. A lack of belief that it's possible for me at this stage in adulthood. A simple, insidious lack of self-confidence will do more to screw you out of your best life than any other barrier. I'm not even talking about low self-esteem, but rather your basic garden-variety belief that you are not the special one who gets to do things like work abroad. It's too hard. No one has heard of me. I'm not 25 anymore. I don't have the money. Blah blah blah. I've heard every excuse from my clients and hilariously, I've heard them all in my own head too. WE ALL HAVE THEM. It's time for the excuses and doubts to die. Either that, or we die with regrets.

​How to Murder Your Self-Doubt

1. Write down all the reasons why you “can't” be successful (however you define success). This could take awhile, I'll wait.

2. For every reason why you can't be successful, write out 3 completely logical reasons why you can be successful.

3. Visualize yourself succeeding with each of the logical reasons you wrote down. Take a few minutes to actually see yourself winning.

4. Write down how it felt to win, to finally get what you really want. Do any new doubts come up? Are you concerned that others will be jealous of you or leave you? Are you worried that you can't keep up that success?

5. Repeat step 2 for the new doubts.
   
   

This is a process that should be done regularly, to admit what's really stopping you and then rewire your brain for success. People don't learn that they are incapable of greatness overnight. It takes a little while to undo what you've believed about yourself all these years that isn't serving your highest good. Think of your mind like a fixer-upper. It's had some not-so-pretty things happen to it over the years, but with a little work, it'll be the cleanest house on the block. I used to believe there was no way I could design my own website, find clients online, or be hired to teach workshops, but I do all of those things now. It's a process: Create goal → assess doubts → attack doubts with logic and visualization → achieve goal (celebrate!) → create even better goal → repeat.

Extra Credit for the Truly Serious Success Hunters:

Learn and practice Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). EFT works on a subconscious level to reprogram your beliefs so that you can consistently achieve what you want. There are a million YouTube tutorials out there and of course, the founder's free site: www.optimal-eft.emofree.com.

And if you're really serious about turning your beliefs around fast, hire a coach. There's nothing like being accountable to a person who's been in your shoes and knows how to deprogram limiting beliefs.

You can reprogram how you think about your potential. The question is if you believe that enough to do the work it takes to remodel your mindset. Redesign your mind → get un-stuck and un-jealous → swim with dolphins. It's up to you.